Notice: Trying to get property 'session_id' of non-object in /usr/www/users/tebogjjemg/wp-content/plugins/charitable/includes/public/class-charitable-session.php on line 407 Warning: Cannot modify header information - headers already sent by (output started at /usr/www/users/tebogjjemg/wp-content/plugins/charitable/includes/public/class-charitable-session.php:407) in /usr/www/users/tebogjjemg/wp-includes/feed-rss2.php on line 8 Tebogo Power Learn about Dance, Business, Life Sat, 28 Mar 2020 19:52:52 +0000 en-US hourly 1 Tebogo Power 32 32 Learn about Dance, Business, Life Tebogo Power Learn about Dance, Business, Life Tebogo Power Parents of Children in Competitive Sport Fri, 27 Mar 2020 18:33:39 +0000

Parents of Children in Competitive Sport

We like to talk about how sport is such a great vehicle for teaching important life skills and bringing out the good and the best in us as competitors and human beings. However what people are less inclined to talk about is the equally powerful, but a far uglier and bad side of sport.

The good, the bad, and the ugly!

I have been coaching competitive dancing for the past twenty-eight years. I have lived part of my life as a professional dancer in the competitive sport called Dancesport. My years of dancing have taught me so many good and wonderful things, and have shaped the fabulous person I am 😄

But I’ve also seen the bad and the ugly! I have been extremely hurt and could have been destroyed by this sport. But I am a rock and, thanks to the support of my family, great coaches and prayer, I am super confident!

Many champions I know, have suffered extreme damage from this sport: ranging from eating disorders, low self-esteem, phobias, personality disorders, jealousy etc.

Having trained champions almost my entire adult life and still today, the one thing I cannot wrap my head around is the actions of parents of competitive children. In my view this is an important aspect to unpack, as it directly affects the future of their child, which is so important, but which some parents just don’t get!

I think my experience allows me to share a little . . . well, a lot actually!

What I’m going to share is not about my opinion – it is my reality, my first-hand experience of that which I have witnessed in my dealings with my students and their parents.

1. The ‘Mean Mom’ or ‘Mean Dad’ – aka BIG BULLY (BB)

This is a bully parent – not only do they bully other children and their parents, but will go as far as trying to bully the trainer or coach.

BBs are recognisable by their pushy, brash & domineering behaviour:

They normally have a lot to say about and to everyone, as if no-one has an opinion. They work on getting sympathisers – these are often other parents who fear them, so the scared parents become their groupie in order to avoid attack. They target certain individuals, often conniving and wishing ill of them. They despise other talented children – I mean really despise to a point of wanting to harm the child or cause an injury. They want their own children to be the best – no other child deserves greatness but theirs. They often create lies about other children – usually to tarnish a child or their parents in the eyes of others (remember their main object is the elimination or removal of the talented child). They often forget about their own children as they focus on the target. When that happens, their own child who is often also bullied by them, is relieved as their parent’s focus is elsewhere.

The BB’s behaviour often results in their own child fearing them and their child is often hated by other children because of their parent’s behaviour. The BB’s child often becomes quietly depressed without anybody noticing.

2. The ‘Obsessed-About-Winning’ Parent – aka NON-ACHIEVER (NA)

This parent is often the one that never accomplished their own dreams and are set on ensuring their children fulfil them. Some of these parents are ex sports people and believe that their children must surely be like them and will therefore be the best (because they are there to ensure that it happens).

NAs are recognisable by their insistent competitive & manipulative behaviour:

Often, they are second coaches to their children. They ‘know more that the teacher or coach’ and their children must listen to them – you wonder why they send their children for lessons in the first place. They will sometimes use money, if they have the means, and throw it around with the hope of finding favours. Some try and buy the trainer off – oh yes . . . listen to this . . . to give their child more than others, or to stop the coach from teaching specific children. They are obsessed and unstoppable – their children often go to extreme measures to cause themselves permanent injury, in an effort to make it all stop.

A NA’s behaviour very often results in their own children being scared of failure – they tend to have panic attacks on competition days, they fake an injury to avoid getting bad results, they “fall sick” on the day or week of the competition often from extreme anxiety and stress, they are prone to injuries which they welcome so as to avoid competition. Their children do not follow instructions to get better from an injury or sickness, because they would rather not be well in order to avoid it all.

3. The ‘Scared’ Parent – aka WILTING FLOWER (WF)

These parents often don’t have an opinion about anything. They do not like conflict so they will do anything to avoid it. They are often sad individuals who themselves need a lot of encouragement and a self confidence boost.

WFs are recognisable by their lack of self-esteem & confidence:

It appears as if they would rather be invisible – their children often suffer from not being seen or protected. They generally don’t have a strong personality and cannot withstand the tantrums and craziness brought on by everyone. They crumble next to other parents, especially the BB’s and NA’s – Their children have to watch the BB and the NA run havoc whilst everyone is watching and their parents do nothing.

A WF’s behaviour often results in their child becoming quietly resentful and angry with their parents.

4. The ‘Spy’ Parent – aka PEEPING TOM/MARY (PT/PM)

Now these parents are notorious for trying to befriend EVERYONE, starting with the coach or teacher. They want to know everything from love life, family, finances… the works! They would scratch in your cupboards and wardrobes if push comes to shove. I believe they are just the lowest of the low.

PT/PMs are recognisable by their ever-so-sweet and extremely nosy & overbearing behaviour:

They make sure they know as much as possible about other people in order to use it for favours or to fuel animosity amongst people. They cause fires…which they like to fuel and keep burning. They feed off turbulence, misery and drama. They spend lots of time calling people to catch up. They intentionally like speaking to children to fish for information – they have no qualms befriending a child to get information about their parents or a coach. They like pretending that they are everyone’s friend. They like to portray a ‘holier than thou’ attitude – they continually speak “Jesus talk” and some spit bible verses like kindergarten rhymes. They cause havoc and often like to see people fighting and take pleasure in destroying others but claim innocence. They like playing victim too – they often cry when confronted, claiming that people are falsely accusing them, and that people don’t like them. Their own children are often embarrassed by them and must suffer the fact that other children talk about their parent because generally the other children see things and are wise to the fact.

A PT/PM’s behaviour very often results in their own children suffering bouts of depression with a tendency of becoming suicidal.

5. The ‘Liar’ Parent – aka PATHALOGICAL LIAR (PL)

These parents are the pathological liars. They have the same attributes as the PT/PM but on another level – they lie about everything, everyone (children, parents, happenings), about themselves . . . They lie, lie, lie! They are sick!

The PLs are recognisable by their continuous ability to lie, as simple as that:

Because of the serious problem they have, they often play victim – they can cry on cue, you know, like professional criers. They could be hired just for their ability to cry on cue. They are often very unhappy human beings; they lie about everything…even when it’s unnecessary. They often destroy their children’s future because of their unnecessary lies. A lot of people are harmed by their lies, a lot of pain is endured by many.

The problem with a PL’s behaviour is that they build such a web of lies that they cannot keep up with what they have said. Their own children know that they are liars, everyone knows . . . this often results in their child building their own world, where they pretend that it all doesn’t exist, in order to cope.

6. The ‘Couldn’t-Care-Less’ Parent – aka HAKUNAMATHATA (HAKUNAS)

These parents are never here nor there, they could not be bothered – they just don’t seem to care or perhaps they just do not have the time. Their children watch with envy, while other children’s parents’ fuss over them.

The HAKUNAS are recognised by their absenteeism:

They send someone else on their behalf when parents are called to attend. When they do pitch up, they are lost because they don’t know what’s going on. They become the main attraction when they pitch, as many parents and children have never seen them, at which point they usually become instant targets for the PT/PM.

The result of a HAKUNAS’ behaviour is that their children often feel abandoned or alone. Their child either tries to make a scene to create attention, or tries to be invisible, because they cannot bear the pity they see in other people’s eyes. Don’t forget that the BB would already, very loudly, have verbalised how “this poor child is not loved!” using the opportunity to make random untrue statements like: “they are filthy rich, but they can’t make an effort to pitch up.”

7. The ‘Super’ Parent – aka SUPER MOM/SUPER DAD (SM/SD)

These parents are often, in my opinion, people that have been through the washing machine of life. They are realists, they know what it takes to achieve and play a fair game.

The SM/SDs are recognised by their sincere and helpful attitudes:

They show respect and good manners towards every competitor, their parents and the coach or trainer. They follow the coach’s instructions and encourage their child to listen and do what the coach teaches them. They offer their help and are always there to support their child and the team no matter what position their child or team achieves in a competition. They never focus on any negative aspect or talk bad of any child, their parent or the coach. They encourage hard work, discipline and a sense of pride for any accomplishment, no matter how big or small, that their child achieves.

The result of a SM/SD’s behaviour is that they have confident, happy and well-rounded children that can deal positively with situations and know how to cope and interact in a competitive world. Their children have learnt the art of being a good sport in both victory and defeat.

As mentioned, I have seen and experienced it all!

My experience also extends to the children that enter the competitive space – their attitudes, approach and interaction with fellow competitors.

But that’s another blog for another day!

With love, TK

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How to Deal with Mean People Sun, 16 Feb 2020 11:28:33 +0000

How to Deal with Mean People

Many of you out there will have experienced mean people, many times on social media, but also in face-to-face situations.

These attacks are further exacerbated when you are a champion or are born into a family of champions, where it is inevitable that you will meet people ready to dish out a generous amount of meanness.

My Real Life Experience, at just 13

A vivid example of this for me was when I was at school, at just 13 years of age.

Let’s just say I was a fabulous 13 year-old, and extremely focused. I would say that the teachers liked me, but didn’t love me. I was well groomed, very quiet, and kept to myself. In fact, I was very much a loner, not really belonging to any ‘group’. I think the boys ‘l-o-o-o-v-e-d’ me, but I had no time for boys. Academically, I was the 2nd highest in the grade, and as a top dancer I was starting to become extremely well known in my town.

So, with my early successes in mind, I guess it is understandable that some people might have felt aggrieved. Although, by what, exactly? Me?

The reality was that I was just a quiet girl that kept to herself and who stayed in her own lane. I was not in any of the popular groups at school, and only had a few good friends.

I remember one particular morning like it was yesterday, when my one classmate, for no reason at all, had a full-on go at me. Having walked into the classroom and put my school bag down, I then proceeded to walk out for assembly when she spotted me, changing course and walking towards me, shouting, “You know, I am so sick and tired of you. You prance around like you own the school. I hate the sight of you. You make me sick, sick, sick. I HATE YOU!!

I just stood still, shocked and dumbstruck. It must have been a couple of seconds, but which felt a lot longer. I blinked, said “okay”, and then walked out of the classroom.

BOOM!!! How about that?

I didn’t have anything else to say. Besides, what does one say after something like that?

We never uttered another word to each other for the entire remaining four years of our high school, even at certain times when we were in the same classroom together.

Oh, the Irony . . .

Here is the irony . . . I went on to coach her relatives in dance! I dare not think what she might have been thinking then. In the years after the incident, I often wondered why she was so angry? Her deep unhappiness was so apparent to me.

My take on mean people is that they are generally really unhappy and sad people. In fact, I believe that they are miserable at most things in life . . . but, mainly at THEIR LIVES.

Very often there is something or someone that triggers the ‘wounded self’, and they lash out.

What can YOU do?

So with the above said, it is my belief that the number one thing that you can do to handle mean people is to SMILE!

Yes, just smile! Smiling is a silent killer. It sounds simple, but it is ever so powerful!

The second thing you should do is to LOOK THEM STRAIGHT IN THE EYES to show them that you see them. This might upset them or make them more angry, but they might also get embarrassed by their actions. Most importantly, DO NOT AVOID THEM.

The third piece of advice is to KEEP MOVING IN YOUR LANE! If you focus on them you will quickly lose your direction. So, do not let them steal your energy and focus.

Lastly, DON’T MAKE THEM YOUR ENEMY! They don’t know what they are doing. Rather send them well-intended prayers and positive energy.


Give me YOUR comments and suggestions

So, for those who have experienced mean people, try what I suggest above . . . I’d love to know if my suggestions prove useful to you.

Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments section below. How do YOU handle mean people?

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The Power of the Arts Tue, 10 Dec 2019 19:12:16 +0000

The Power of the Arts

Whenever I witness a powerful performance of any art form, I find myself in a beautiful state of being. A beautiful state that lifts me on a high – a high in spirit and a high of thankfulness.

This, dear friends, is the power of the arts!

A painting that says more than a thousand words leaving you daydreaming, transformed, lost . . .

The voice of a singer delivered in such a way that it touches every fibre of your being, leaving you exhilarated!

The hypnotic power of an eloquent & incredible voice . . . Ooohhh!

The enchanting harmony of instruments played by accomplished musicians.

The versatile actor that transports you – gripped and lost in a storyline so well written.

A composer that creates THAT exceptional song that is always remembered.

A dancer leaving you breathless – translating words, expression, emotions, conversations through body movement!

A sculptor’s masterpiece that leaves you wondering how minds and hands can create the impossible.

A writer’s book or play so ingeniously written, pure power translated through words and information, creating visions so clear and vivid.

A striking model that brings garments to life, making them fabulously appealing and irresistible.

A designer that creates garments which extends culture, expression, beliefs and character, bringing it all harmoniously together to enhance your mood.

A spoken word artist that transfixes you into a space of flowing words, leaving you flooded with emotion.

And so much more . . . .

No-one should ever underestimate the Power of the Arts!!

A country without a thriving arts and culture environment . . . is a country slowly losing itself. The arts is THE one aspect that conveys who and what we are.

A South Africa made up of eclectic cultures trying to find and live in harmony . . . is a beautiful country, and it’s my country!

Every time I witness exceptional and uniquely South African and African artistry at work, it always makes me feel as if I have simultaneously been plugged into 5 chargers – Inspired, Privileged, Grateful, Happy and ALIVE.

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This is a question I am often asked! Wed, 02 Oct 2019 12:26:10 +0000

This is a question I am often asked!

Can a good dancer also be a good choreographer and a good teacher?

It’s a question that is often asked!

So, can a good dancer also be a good choreographer and a good teacher?

It’s a question that is often asked!

It is a known fact that there is a difference between being a dancer, a choreographer and a teacher. It is my opinion that being an incredibly talented dancer does not necessarily mean that the dancer can go on to become a good choreographer and/or a good teacher.

Would you like to hear more?

So, what and where are the differences?

A dancer has the ability to translate a message, feelings and emotions through body movement. I call it the dance language! A dancer performs by moving their body musically, with precision, intention, clarity and power. A dancer manipulates the body by applying various techniques in a way that expresses emotion.

A choreographer has the ability to put a series of steps together in a unique, detailed and captivating manner. The choreographer thinks of movement as a language. Just as a writer scripts a novel, so a choreographer scripts a dance. A choreographer is a creator of new works, but also has the ability to add touches of their own flair & creation to existing works.

A dance teacher has the ability to translate information to someone in such a way that allows them to move their body with ease, that assists and guides the student to engage their ability to dance. A good teacher can troubleshoot dance problems, eg if a dancer struggles to isolate a certain part of the body, the teacher has, or finds, methods making it possible for the dancer to achieve the movement.

So, back to the question . . .

“Can a good dancer also be a good choreographer and a good teacher?”

I believe, like anything in life, there are different types of people and various levels of abilities.

  • There are great dancers who are very good choreographers and excellent teachers. These are what I call the ‘super gifted’. Their abilities are often evident at a young age, especially if they start dancing early in life.
  • There are dancers that are not the greatest dancers, but excel at choreography and are exceptional at teaching others. They should be choreographers, creators and teachers.
  • There are good dancers that are great choreographers but not good at teaching. Very often they become frustrated when their students do not improve, which can lead to unhappy dancers. In order to avoid this, I suggest they should not be teachers.
  • Then we have just the average dancers, but they love dancing. The ones that will never be the stars of the show but are the most amazing teachers and know just how to get the best out of their students. They are the ones that really understand the importance of producing great dancers and have the gift of making others achieve on the dance floor. They are the great teachers and mentors of dance!
  • Lastly there are dancers that are more than just great dancers. The ones that have the ability to be on stage and immediately engage and captivate audiences – they make people cry, make people happy, lift people’s spirits, show love & anger and evoke strong emotions which linger in people’s minds long after the performance. They are referred to as ‘super normal’ – they are the dance performers!

In closing . . .

Having said all this, exceptions always exist and very often certain attributes and abilities are developed over time as the dancer matures, understands, applies themselves, and learns more. This is what makes this topic so special – there is literally NO LIMIT to what can be achieved!

The most important point I would like to make is for you to know what your strengths are and to be honest with yourself. This self-knowledge and self-realisation will enable you to develop your talent and direct your steps towards your destiny!

But perhaps there is someone with a different view? Please enlighten me and feel free to share!

After all that’s what makes us great 😊

With Love, T

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Welcome to Tebogo POWER Thu, 29 Aug 2019 10:07:43 +0000

Welcome to Tebogo POWER

This is my first blog for TebogoPOWER. I hope you enjoy the read. Be sure to leave me a comment below.


It feels really cool to connect and share my first blog post with all of you!

I look forward to sharing all my experiences, my life’s lessons, my observations and my teachings with you. My wish is that it adds value to some of you, inspires others and possibly guides a few of you. My desire is to create a space for robust and respectful discussions.

My blogs are about ME – the woman, mom, sister, aunt, entrepreneur, arts activist, dance coach and lover of all things fabulous! It is my space to share my thoughts, my learnings, my experiences of life, and all my crazy ideas and philosophies . . . . . with ALL of you !

My colourful background includes being a multifaceted dancer, undefeated dance champion, a businesswoman in the arts, founder and current principal of an Arts Academy, professional speaker and coach to the current South African champions.

My Voice, which comes with an African and Arts-Activist’s perspective, will convey my thoughts, experiences and personal convictions. Coming from a Pastor’s home (yip, he’s my Dad 😍) and dancing in South Africa in both the pre and post-apartheid era, to dancing in the biggest dance sport championships around the world, to coaching some of the most talented people across the globe . . . . gives me the unique opportunity to provide personal accounts and opinions on many topics.

I love dancing and everything it comes with . . . . and goes with 🙃, so I delight in sharing not only my expertise and experiences, but also those of the dancers that I have had the privilege of coaching and interacting with. I have been teaching dance for 27 years – from inside the humid and dull confines of small village classrooms to the bright expanses of some of the biggest dance-spaces around the world; from young children to senior dancers, from the most talented to the not-so-talented yet utterly committed & determined, from the privileged to the under-privileged: this means that I have seen and experienced it all 😳!! Literally!

I hope you will engage in a thoughtful and fun way!  Although I am known for being frank and honest, I will never intentionally be disrespectful.  Take it as it simply is . . . not mixed with anything but my truth. Please do not attack my views, they are mine. Whatever yours are, I will respect them.
Please do not swear at me – I don’t get it and cannot engage at that level. I am just sharing MY ideas with you. We have the opportunity to share from all places far and wide – this is what makes ‘our world’ so amazing, exciting and s-o-o-o-o-o cool!!

Engage & Enjoy – ask, answer, send & receive . . . . let’s have fun!

Oh, and please subscribe! 😊


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